Father and Son

Father and Son
Their first walk together.

Both T's at the pasture gate

Both T's at the pasture gate
T2 isn't sure about the goats. They look a little scary.

Friday, December 18, 2009


So busy doing nothing is my usual status. I need organization!

I find myself exhausted by the end of the day and very little has been accomplished around the house. It amazes me that there are people, especially moms, out there who can keep house, tend to 4+ children, bake homemade bread, and run a farm. I don't have time to make my soaps anymore and as for the farm: well, T1 takes care of most of the animals. Occassionally I will have to take care of the farm for a day or two. Things seem to go smoother on those days, believe it or not.

So much has happened since October. T2 decided to have a major week long breakdown at Thanksgiving. She destroyed her room and then proceeded to destroy the rest of the house. She was doing okay during the daytime but staying up all night to find ways to demolish the house. Her big thing was stuffing rolls of tissue into the toilet and bathroom sink. Then flushing the john and leaving the water running. Three different times I found the bathroom swimming in water. We removed everything but the beds from the girls room, bathroom and the hallway. At night, we literally locked her out of the rest of the house and cut the water off to her side of the house. I ended up sleeping in the hall several nights to prevent her from hurting her younger sister. After a week, I had enough. One morning she sat at my table and told me "Our house is going to burn down." I tried telling her that if it did she wouldn't have a bed or any other stuff. "I don't care. It is going to burn down" was her only answer. On another morning, I was bathing the two youngest children and she was watching me. Suddenly she reached over me, made a sweeping motion with her hand and said, "If you push F like these and hold her face in the water she will drown." I almost threw up! I told her that I wouldn't want to hurt F and if she drown I would be sad and miss her. I told her that she would miss her too. "No I wouldn't" she said as she turned and walked out of the room. As soon as I could, Monday morning at 9:00, I reported what had been said to me. DSS came and removed her on Wedsnesday for the safety of the other children. My home has been much calmer since that day. We have been able to put out Christmas decorations and are making plans to decorate the girls bedroom. Neither of these things were possible before.
T2 is in a single parent, single child home and is to start receiving therapy. I'm still not sure that DSS believes what I have been telling them, and sometimes I worry what stories T2 is going to make up about us. She has told us some tall ones. They are believable except they are usually about us, and we know they didn't happen.
Our house is decorated for Christmas. Every nook and cranny is filled with Christmas surprises. Even the extended family is getting in on the fun. Everyone wants to give them something or take them to see something. We drove through the park looking at the light show, visited with Santa, and even put a flock of flamingos in my mom's yard. Soon we will visit the nursing home with homemade ornaments and cards. There are cookies and candies to make, more parties to attend, a party to host (tomorrow), presents to buy and wrap for each other, and tins of goodies for little elves to deliver to our neighbors. Our Advent calendar is almost finished and our Little People Nativity Set has almost survived its first Christmas.
We are having a cold rain that may turn to ice over night. No snow, just ice. This is the time of  year I get a little depressed. So the solution is to stay so busy that I don't have time to think about being sad. With 4 little ones, staying busy is easy. It's getting enough rest that is hard.
Tomorrow morning I need to wrap more presents. I plan to go to see my mom again tomorrow evening. However, I may have to wait until Sunday. She seems to perk up when the kids and I come around. yesterday she stayed in bed all day. She said she just didn't feel like getting up or eating. I brought the kids and in a short time she was sitting up so she could watch them play. Then Dennis and T came with the flamingos. We put them in the yard near Mother's window, but she couldn't see them from her bed. So, she decided that she needed to get up and go to the front porch for a better look. I helped her to her chair and away we went. She sat in her chair on the porch for several minutes admiring a flock of hot pink plastic birds. Then we went back inside, but not to bed. She wanted to "sit amongst the living." She even ate a hamburger that my loving husband brought us after we realized that the oven wasn't on and our dinner was raw and cold.
Today was a better day for her. The days are like a roller coaster. One day we are on top others we are riding straight and smooth but most days we are plummeting down hill faster than I care to be going. I dread the day we come to the bottom of the last hill and round the bend into the station.
I don't worry about Mother's future. It has been settled for a very long time. I wish she could stay here a little longer to enjoy watching our little ones grow. I pray daily that the Lord will make her death an easy one. She has suffered for about 4 years with unimaginable pain. Most days she never says anything. But I have watched her cry because someone touched her arm or she moved it to slip her clothes on. She has begun to talk a little about things. She's scared. She doesn't want to appear upset. But her entire being cries out for just a little more time. It isn't because she is worried about going home. It is the process that is frightening.
Okay, enough about that for now. The house is finally quiet. All the laundry for today is folded. The dogs are inside for the night, but the bathroom isn't clean. Guess I know what is one of the first jobs I"ll being doing in the morning. The party is at noon.
T just pulled into the drive. She has been a church working a camera. I need to remind her to feed her dogs. Amazing! She remembered on her own. My cough syrup is taking effect. I am getting sleepy.

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